I am a fool

I guess God gave me too much. He gave me a wonderful family, who would never abuse me or betray me, but always love me. He gave me a normal appearance, physically, i was born safe and full, with all body parts in place. I don't have to live in poverty and darkness, suffering the harshness of life. My parents never forbidden me to be myself and they always give me choices. I am not useless, i have abilities that some other might not be able to do. I have friends, I am being love by others. I live in peace. I have almost everything I could ask for.

May be that's why it's fair to take things away from me. I could not ask for everything. I always picked the wrong guys, who would never actually care about whatever I have to say. They don't even respect me. They should not stay in my mind. And I should know who to love...

I am a fool and a coward. I could not face the reality. When i have to face it, i push it away, hide it deep into my heart, put on a fake smile and say to everyone, "I am fine" "I am over with him". I hate keeping everything for myself. I want to tell everyone I care, how hurt and lonely I am. I need their hug and comfort. I want my mom to sit next to me, tell me that you gonna be okay. But i don't dare to tell her. I don't want her to worry abt me. I don't want people to feel that I am pathetic. I am a fool for sure. Cause I always blinded and bring myself into troubles...