Test is over!!!!

Yeh! No more test! And only 3 more weeks i am no longer forced to wear my stupid, ugly uniform. It's almost summer break for us, 1 month for most of my friends and 5 months for me.　( ﾟдﾟ )

Isn't it strange? It's because we will no longer study at the same school anymore. I will be moving to Australia for my high school level then university. I can't wait to move. Just imagine that I will have a complete new life there with a new start. No one knows about me, I can act mysteriously. I can look for a boy who care about me? I can study about making coffee so I can find a part time job at a coffee shop.

New house, new friend, new city, new country.

With everything new, I can forget everything, my first stupid love, my bad memories. I just hope that I can make friend at my new school but it seems that I have never learnt how to introduce myself... that's a little bit challenging...

Anyway, off to bed now (*´Д｀)
お休みなさい。。。

Smile...

I don't often smile because I know that even when I smile, I still look bad. I'm not as bright and shiny as most of the girl in my clasd. Even more, I look really creepy and gloomy that most people thought that I was a freak when they first met me.

Isn't it funny?

My appearance is not girly at all. Most of my friends told me to lose weight because it seems like I look to fat compare to my height. Anyway, it's always me who running after those who don't love me while there is no one who love me in return. Now that I realize how important appearance is. If you are good looking, it can cover up the ugliness inside you. Or in opposite, if you are not beautiful and attractive, even when you care for others' feelings, no one would actually care.

I am such a pathetic loser...

A dream that never comes true

Now when that day is coming closer, I finally realize my dream. I want a loving bound between my dearest ones. I want them to share both hapiness and sadness...

However, I know that my dream would never come true. 20 years can't change a person then how can a wish can? Even if it can, it's already too late. Pain might become vague but you know it still there. Wound might heal but the scar will still exist. You can't simply delete everything with a talk.

That's the best choice for the three of us. He is living more independent and her smile seems happier. For me to see, that is enough. If you can't fix the problem then don't try, you will just make it more complicated...

Sayonara...

Test comingggg....

I HATE TEST the most! It always forced me to stay up so late to study and caused me so much headache that I almost go crazy because of it. Tomorrow I will have Math (1h) and Science (2h) test :"<

I did not study any thing but some basic things... Even though I try to study but it always turns out that I don't have any thing. I am the type of person who would not do things that I don't like even though that "things" are studying for my upcoming test. :"< I just don't want to study :((

OMG!!! Just think about it makes me go crazy! Oh well, off to sleep now! :3

What is troubling me?

There is a question which always seems to trouble me: "What do I scare of losing the most?"

The answer is always there but I am scared to admit it so people who would want to make me suffer might take advantage of it and take away my precious treasure. Every minute, every second, I think of the worst situation might happen and the image of me being left behind appear to be so vivid that I sometimes thought that it was a forecast. However, I know that if I can think of the worst situation at any point, it won't happen. Yeah, it won't happen like I thought but happen in a way that I could never expected.

For example, I always be prepared that the one I like would never love me but will love someone who is much better than me or someone who he has spent years next to. It did not happen but turned out that he loves a girl in my class - one of the girls whom I did not expect the most. Yeah, that's how life is. It's a game whereas you can never expect what will happen tomorrow. Someone could wish you luck for your love yesterday can turn her back to you the other day and help another girl to take away the chance of love from you. You can't tell.

If you ask me if I have to be separated from someone will I choose to go or to stay. I will choose to go so I don't have to look back at those memories. However, to those who I love, I would rather choose to stay so they don't have to suffer from the pain of being left behind. It would be better for me to stand for the pain than to let those I love feel those pain.

I just wish that I will never be separated from my dearest ones, even when it is just a wish...

WHY this Blog exist?

There are many reasons why this blog exists and one of them is to replace my hand written diary. Yeah, I am too lazy to keep all of them together. And the reason I write diary is because I want to records all of my feelings during the time I grew up so I can remember what did happened and how I felt at that time so when I have my family, I can tell my kids "Of course I understand how you feel because I used to feel like you!"

Another reason is I want to have a place where my dreams, really feelings, arguments and thinking can be expressed. About my interests, what I want to do in the future, my love, my parents, my family etc. I know that my English and my style of writing cannot compare to a native speaker or an author but it's my feelings. It's just FACT. :">